I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
