READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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