I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
