i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
