highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
