dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
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It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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