my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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