We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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