I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
