Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
