I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
