she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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