I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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