I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
