lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
