if i can run in heels then i can drive
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
