remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
