he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like, not good at living.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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