Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
