i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
