yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
