So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
