How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
