I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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