Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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