Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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