I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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