I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
