i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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