yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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