oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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