matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
