a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
