Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My balls are so social today.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
