you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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