yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
