is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
