I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
