another moral hangover. fuck.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Even my vagina gasped.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
