So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
