Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone signed my nipple.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
