apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
