I wish I could punch you in the face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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