That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
