enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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