I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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