wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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