Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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