You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
