Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think i have two assholes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
