It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
