my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
