Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize