you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
