I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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