Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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