...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize