I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
