I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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