One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
