we have pet lesbian snakes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
