I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
