do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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