so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So vagazzling was a success
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
