two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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