I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
