dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
