Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
