Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
