Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
