Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
