Already got asked if we're dating
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
