Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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