You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
