I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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