my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
