No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
