do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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