Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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