my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
